


To be a Seer of Blood

by historiCthrenody (Cookieluv246)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ancestors, Denial of Feelings, Gen, Headcanon, Implied Relationships, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-15
Updated: 2014-01-15
Packaged: 2018-01-08 18:58:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1136232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cookieluv246/pseuds/historiCthrenody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Porrim will never understand why he hates her touches so much.</p><p>If it's up to Kankri, he hopes she never will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To be a Seer of Blood

You have your friends, but they're not really your friends. You don't really feel like they've been your friends for a while. Merely people you share an unexistence with. Trolls who go about their afterlives the same way they did their living. Autonomous, and boring.

Just like yourself.

They think they know you, which is laughable. They know what you have to say, they know what you want to show them. Your intelligence, your stubborness, these are qualities they have to at least adhere too, regardless of whether they like it. But none of them really get you. Nor have they really tried to. You suppose it's no one's fault but yours. After all, you won't allow yourself to be touched. Figuratively, purposefully, but physically, unfortunately.As you read through records of the past, to make sense of things that were meant to be elegible, you can't help but be reminded of the one person, who out of all your acquaintances, so desperately clings on to your side.

You hate her, you like to think.

But you can't, not really.

She's too much like you, honestly. Too decent, and too aware. 

She makes you nervous. 

You want to believe that you have everyone at, at least arms length of your heart. Yet she breaks every barrier so forcibly and so thoroughly that you can not for the life of you make out how far she managed to burrow herself. She doesn't understand you, you assure yourself. She can't understand you. She tried to though.

You were culled at a very young age, and she was the one assigned to take care of you. You liked her at first, things were much simpler back then. Your powers were unrealized, and the world seemed so much more fair then it ever was made to be.

The visions were less occuring in your youth. But when they came, they came tenfold, making you scream your throat hoarse and cry all the fluid out of your body. It was always so frightening back then, always so painful. Now it's merely dull.

Mostly.

"I'm coming Kanny,"

"What's the purporse of knocking if you're merely coming in anyway?"

"Oh cry me a river." 

She would come in every once and a while to check up on you. As if nothing had changed, as if she was still your onlooker. As if she still had a place here.

"I brought you some new clothes to tr--"

"I don't want it."

"Kanny, you haven't even seen them! How could you know you wont like something if you never tri--"

"I don't want it." Eyes voided, but intent as clear as day. Your gazes fixed on each other as the two most stubborn people in all of Beforus played cluckbeast.  
Admittedly, you hardly won. "...Put it on the dresser. You're distracting me."

"But Kankri, I want you to try it on."

"Out of the question."

Once again the board was in play for several rounds of this foolishness. Everything oh so the same, oh so monotonous, oh so--

"She broke up with me..."

Oh. So that was her intentions all along? You could have guessed it, honestly. It was only a matter of time till she ran her resources dry and eventually had to come to you. You were merely a pit stop, an after thought.

"Aranea was your last endeavor, wasn't she?"

"Kanny you don't understand! I really liked this girl, I just, I don't know I don't get why it didn't work out."

You could think of a couple of reasons.

"Why are you coming to me with all of this? Don't you have a rental-moirail waiting?"

You always knew you hurt her when you mentioned her facilitating. Her insistant rebellion by moving freely through quadrants always filled you with disgust and jealousy, though you would never say so much to her.

"I don't have anyone like that."

"That's right. You don't."

You knew you hurt her everytime you did that as well. This was normally the part she'd begin to tear up, sometimes outright bawl as she screamed and hissed and moaned at you. 'You're such a brat' She'd scream, 'What have I ever done to make you hate me' She'd whine. But it had nothing to do with her, you would reassure yourself. You had no reason to show sympathy you would remind yourself. Porrim was just like the others, she didn't really care, she never really cared, you gorged within yourself. Yet as you wait for her outburst of the hour, you're greeted with something much worse.

A hug.

This is the part you hate the most. These are the times you find yourself in the most distress. Feelings rise within you, one's you pride yourself in keeping at bay. All the feelings of sorrow and joy, anguish and euphoria, bliss and betrayal. Feelings of a mother, finding a young wiggler, finding a love for a quadrant that doesn't exist. Feelings of the blood that fell through her hands as she realized her judgment had finally came. As she bows down to the system, as she dies by the system, as you loathe that very system.  
But you can't cry. And you won't cry. All you can feel is anger. Anger at that fact that she doesn't know what she's doing to you everytime she touches you. Anger of how out of every single person you know, of which you may recollect a vague memory, she somehow enlists a fucking blaze.

_You hate the mom you never had and the one she insists on being;_

_You hate the man that haunts your dreams and never insists on fleeing._

She doesn't understand, she doesn't understand and she wont as long as you can help it. Because with each passing moment HE draws near and HE's the one who holds who holds her back, who yearns of HIS mother NOT YOURS. You are NOT him, you will NEVER be him, and she will NEVER touch you the same way this woman has obviously touched him. You will NOT be caught up into this atrocious slurry of pity, you will NOT let her through your walls you have built up so high and so meticulously. You will **not** yearn for her embrace, and you won't dare start one, you will not, you will not, you will NOT, **YOU WILL NOT**.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

She doesn't get it, of course she doesn't fucking get it. But she always relents as she does understand your pure unadulterated hate. She will never understand or question why, she probably takes it literally, but then again maybe not. She is just as smart as you are, which always scares you.

As she leaves you to your thoughts, shaking and helpless. You thank whatever based deity as you manage to keep hold of yourself a day longer, and a session more. You do not need her to know. You do not need her to understand you. You do not need her pity.

_All you need is silence._

**Author's Note:**

> Ok I don't know where I originally got this idea, I may have seen it floating around on tumblr. But I was playing around with the headcanon of whenever Kankri touched someone, he would see their past selves, see everyone they were, and all the events that transpired after.
> 
> I decided to take that and push it a step further.  
> What if certain people he was connected to prior affected him differently?
> 
> This would be to say, he wouldn't react the same way when touching Rufioh as he would if he touched Mituna. Maybe this is why you never see him around certain people.
> 
> Sorry it's so rough, I basically just threw up on the paper and I didn't have anyone beta this or anything so, I hope you enjoy the drabble for what it is.


End file.
